To my fellow introverts: Hi! How are you doing during this dumpster fire of a year?
Feeling anxiety and self-hatred coming and going in waves? Or is it just me?
Whether you're a Lady Gaga fan or not I hope you keep reading because the song off her new album called „911“ really resonated with me. Which is why I chose to do a little sketch for the AdobexLadyGaga challenge. Though I didn't win anything monetary in the challenge I wanted to express the message that I can either be my own best friend and be kind to myself or continue to be my own drill sargeant and make myself miserable during this time.
I've always struggled with being nice to myself and have built a disfunctional routine of hating myself in my head. Drill sargeant Georgia sounds a bit like this: „Push yourself further! Achieve, strive to be better! Learn more! God why are you so awkward and lazy? Maybe if you had this, do this, look like this you'll be happy and not so insecure and small. Drop and give me ten more!!"
My head is exhausting, even my therapist says so.
I don't know about you but it's getting harder and harder for me to see the silver lining through a deadly pandemic and humidly unpleasant heat wave. Living in the present is more difficult than ever because... ew! I would love to rewind to go back to the summer of 2016 where I was equally self-hating but also hopeful, spending the summer in Paris studying design.
Before Corona I was struggling with the thought of not having a clear idea of what my next move would be; what I need to do to make the world a better, more equal and visually appealing place was cripplingly undefineable. So I visited depression city. A new job opportunity that got handed to me by one of my favorite ex-colleagues came at just the right time and I thought „Now I can be normal and happy again, go to the gym, learn how to be less socially awkward and earn some money in an inspiring new environment." The pandemic kind of wrecked this viewpoint. But it might be for the best because the hamster wheel of „if I reach this, then I'll be happy" also got wrecked in the process. I'm just now learning that the journey is the destination and that everybody's got their something. No To Do list or checking off goals will make that go away.
All you can do is not be an asshole to yourself and others. Be nice.